Join us for our column “Confessions”, where people from across the country confess their sins and ask for forgiveness from members of the clergy. This week, Sister Frances fields a confession from a financially stable businessman making 6 figures whose friends think he’s taking advantage of his local soup kitchen.
Dear Sister Frances,
I have a job that makes over 6 figures but I still take advantage of the soup kitchen. I never thought much of it, but when I offhandedly mentioned it to my friends they were appalled. But here’s my thought process.
First and foremost, it’s expensive to live in the city. Even with six figures I find that I can’t always buy everything that I want. By getting dinner twice a week at the kitchen I’ve been able to save enough money to upgrade to the latest iPhone. It may not seem like much, but the savings really do add up!
Currently I’m single, but I’ve discovered that the soup kitchen is a great way to meet women. Not only is it an easy dinner date, but I don’t have to worry about who will pay the bill. Plus, they’re always impressed that I have a job that pays so well. New singles are constantly coming and going so there’s always a new face to talk to.
Finally, the volunteers at the kitchen make some of the best food I’ve ever tasted. The beef stew is my favorite – I once had four bowls! I’d bring in my Tupperware to take some home but they’ve stopped me before. I figure that it’s a waste of food if no one eats it, so I always try to eat as much as I can. If you ever stop by, I recommend you get a dessert too.
I feel like these are all pretty justified reasons reasonable rationales to go to the soup kitchen even though I make six figures and think my friends are blowing things out of proportion. But am I actually in the wrong?
Sincerely,
Wealthy Soup Eater
Dear Wealthy Soup Eater,
Frankly, this is appalling. You are absolutely and unequivocally in the wrong. You have strayed so far from the flock, it would take a nationwide manhunt to find you and return you back to God’s good graces.
What I don’t understand is that most soup kitchens let volunteers eat. Why couldn’t you have helped ladle soup for an hour, and then eat at the end? You are rich in time and money, but think of no one other than yourself.
I recommend you keep going to the soup kitchen twice a week like you have been. But this time, step behind the counter and help others! You could even learn how to make that beef stew you rave about so you could cook that up for a special date night.
Speaking of which, it is detestable to be trying to use the soup kitchen as a place to meet women. I have talked to unbelievably entitled 8 year-olds who’s unimaginably rich parents buy them anything they could ever want, and yet these children still have more humility than you. Not only is your behavior extremely selfish, but it is downright boorish to be propositioning the less fortunate like you’re at some sort of singles club. I’m positive the soup kitchen has a (perhaps implied) policy against volunteers hitting on the folks, and becoming a volunteer should discourage your despicable behavior.
In summary, you are essentially stealing from the less fortunate as if this is some sort of “life hack”. May God show more mercy on your soul than I do.
Faithfully yours,
Sister Frances
Have a confession? Send an email to confessions@eveningcharge.com to see the light.
