Tis the most wonderful time of year again. The most anticipated time of year when little people bring gifts to the homes of millions across the world. No, I’m not talking about Santa’s elves bringing gifts. I’m talking about the girl scouts and their famous cookies that are perfect for dessert. But just like Christmas we can’t forget the reason for the season, in this case to help young girls learn financial and life lessons they can take into their bright futures. So that’s why I shortchange the Girl Scouts.
Every Sunday morning in the spring I drive around to my neighborhood grocery stores looking for my marks: sash-donning, beret-wearing Girl Scouts with their entrepreneurial spirit. They may be able to start a fire, tie a knot, or make a museum-worthy papier mâché mask, but there’s one badge they’re missing (since unlike me, they didn’t attend Camp Hard Knocks). And that’s the street smarts badge.
So I get out of my Tesla and stroll to the front of the table attended by two young scouts. As it’s Sunday morning, the grocery store and hence the Scouts’ table is crowded.
Perfect for a shortchange scheme.
“Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies today Sir?” they ask with a smile.
“Of course, I would love to get four boxes for $20” I respond while reaching for my wallet. Time to shortchange the Girl Scouts to teach them a lesson. As planned, I shuffle through my bills and feign a mixed look of surprise and dismay.
“Oh I’m sorry young ladies, I only have $50s. I’m sure such an enterprising young pair such as yourself will be able to give me change in the form of five $10s.”
They reach into their tacklebox of cash and dutifully count me five $10 bills. I begin to peruse the cookie options out loud. “Ugh, Tagalongs… more like bag along with the rest of the trash… And I never understood Samoas – do they have the hole in the center so you can stack them on a chopstick?” I say whatever nonsense that comes to my mind while I palm one of the $10s right under their naïve noses.
Then I continue, “Oh I’m sorry young ladies, but I realized that I’m going to be getting my dinner from a vending machine tonight. I’m going to actually need ten $5s instead for the fifty I gave you earlier.”
In a dramatic fashion I begin counting the $10s they gave me. “Let’s see, you gave me 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – oh looks like you made a mistake counting the bills. Just give me another $10, and I’ll exchange them for ten $5s.”
Incredulously they look between me and each other, confused as to how they both could have miscounted the original set of bills.
Starting to see that they might be recognizing what’s going on, I make my move to fluster them. “Look, the line is growing behind me and I need to go grocery shopping. I’ll show you one more time even though I can already see you have your counting badges. 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 and you should’ve given me five. Take these back and give me ten $5s so you can help the customers behind me who are getting impatient” I say as I thumb back to a grandmother patiently clutching her handbag.
Finally they give into the pressure and give me my “correct” change. I fork over four $5s for four boxes of Thin Mints. Who knew it would be this easy to shortchange the Girl Scouts.
But before I walk away, I smack down a $10 and say, “You know, you two did such a great job, here’s a $10 tip”. The look of pure joy on their faces reminds me why I do this. It may be less than what my garbage man makes in tips but to them it’s a million dollars.
As I walk away from their table I look back and yell, “Next time count the change!”
In the end, it’s a win-win scenario. The Girl Scouts are happy they earned a $10 tip, and I’m happy knowing I helped two scouts earn their “I’m A Sucker Badge.” Some life lessons you can’t shortchange, so that’s why I shortchange the Girl Scouts.
